Sometimes I feel myself drifting into another reality.
Drifting.
As if I'm two people in two different worlds.
Split personality, maybe.
I'm caught in another reality and I can feel myself breathing in another body.
Now I'm that girl at the party who everyone wants to talk to;
Now I'm a wife and a caregiver, fighting crowsfeet and budgeting dinner;
Now I'm somewhere I've never been before and the sun is shining on my face and my body is the body that I see when I close my eyes
in every reality.
Why was the oldest girl the one to marry first and take care of the parents when they died?
I don't fit that.
That same mold I've been fighting to push my way out of for years and years.
Created at my birth.
Ridgid and set.
It pinches my arms, my thighs, my breasts.
I don't fit.
It clutches so tightly at my chest
my breath comes in shallow bursts.
I am fading.
Fading.
Into a new reality that is uncreated
Created by myself.