Watching this documentary about christian rock. They're baptising kids in a blow up pool with ikea advertising in the background. One of the most bizarre moments of zen ever.

Sometimes I feel myself drifting into another reality.
Drifting.
As if I'm two people in two different worlds.
Split personality, maybe.
I'm caught in another reality and I can feel myself breathing in another body.
Now I'm that girl at the party who everyone wants to talk to;
Now I'm a wife and a caregiver, fighting crowsfeet and budgeting dinner;
Now I'm somewhere I've never been before and the sun is shining on my face and my body is the body that I see when I close my eyes
in every reality.
Why was the oldest girl the one to marry first and take care of the parents when they died?
I don't fit that.
That same mold I've been fighting to push my way out of for years and years.
Created at my birth.
Ridgid and set.
It pinches my arms, my thighs, my breasts.
I don't fit.
It clutches so tightly at my chest
my breath comes in shallow bursts.
I am fading.
Fading.
Into a new reality that is uncreated
Created by myself.

I'm trying to get Tine to give me a pack of her birth control pills so I can take a whole bunch and stave off my period for a few days so I can have a good long fucking session with navy boy on Sunday. She thinks its wrong for me to do that. Something about fucking up your body. Whatever. Shakespeare gots to get laid, son. Enough with the medical jargon and the philosophising. In my world, I lead with the pussy. Her stance may have something to do with the fact that she gets a good humpin in whenever she wants to, while i'm force to take it as it comes. Being as she holds the power in the pills, this seems visciously unfair to me at the moment.

A Journey of a thousand miles begins....

This blog is meant to force me to write the way I am supposed to: often and honestly.

As I am working nights and have virtually nothing to do but watch documentaries online and obsessively review every interraction I have with any other individual until it no longer contains any meaning whatsoever, I figure it's a good time to start writing a lot again.

I have been exploring some weird kinky stuff lately. It is fun and part of my continuing therapy designed to overcome the repressive Catholicism of my past.

I never have sex but I am sexual all the time. This has become frustrating for me as of late. Luckily Kyle decided to show his face this weekend. He is coming Sunday. Today is Wednesday and I just got my period. Perfect. It is as it should be I suppose.